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Where on Earth can I buy a formal pencil skirt that will fit both my waist and my bum????!!!!!!!!!!!! The answer is NOWHERE. I am soooooooo frustrated!!!!!!!!

It is absolutely ridiculous how every single web site advising hourglass shaped women how to dress will tell you to wear a pencil skirt because it will suit your shape perfectly. Errrr… NO IT WON’T! What sort of shape is it exactly that you’re mistaking for hourglass???? Ah, you mean a plank! That’s it! You haven’t got a flippin clue what you’re talking about!!

I have tried on over 100 (!) pencil skirts in the past month. The prices ranged between £5 and £300, so you can’t even say I only tried the high street. NONE, I repeat, NONE of them fit me both in the waist and in the hips.

I have an hourglass shape, yes, but nothing extreme. My waist measurement is 25 inches and my hips measure 39 inches at the widest part.

Why can’t I find a bloody pencil skirt that fits me??????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Where does Kim Kardashian shop, for example?? Although I guess she has enough money to pay for custom tailoring..

Kim Kardashian in those unobtainable pencil skirts

I’m so angry I want to cry. If by some miracle you do know of any place in London (I want to try on before I buy, as I had enough of paying for return postage) where they sell fitted pencil skirts for ACTUAL hourglass shapes, please let me know.

Sorry about the rage.